You know that feeling when you’ve had too many shots of espresso that you feel like you’re jittering? That you feel so wide awake that it’s tiring to bear sometimes? That was me in the first few weeks of March, ever since the first confirmed coronavirus case in New York. The problem is: I’ve not been running on coffee lately, it’s just my anxiety. Another problem is: I need to get used to it.
Class of 2020 of UAlbany was expected to finish their degrees by May 13, which is the last day of examinations. I’m pretty stoked since I’m only taking four classes this semester as I have already completed most of the courses needed to graduate. It’s more exhilarating that as I finish my degree, I’m also one step closer to go back to my home country, Malaysia. I had a game plan, which is to work for a bit in the U.S. to gain experience, and then head back home.
However, that reality might take a while for me, or at least it’ll go differently than planned.
Ever since Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced that there’s a first confirmed case of the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) in New York state in Manhattan on March 1st, I knew that things wouldn’t be the same.
I was really hoping that this will subside fast but knowing how the government works here, that would probably take a while too. The Trump administration already took so much time to respond to this pandemic with the lack of testings contributing to the U.S. surpassing China and Italy for the country with the most confirmed cases of COVID-19 with about more than 160,000 cases. Of course, out of all places New York is hit the worst. Surprised, but not surprised.
You might be wondering, why am I still here? Shouldn’t I go back to my home country?
The answer is: it’s not that easy.
Firstly, the International Student and Scholar Services Office (ISSS) has advised all international students from UAlbany to make wise choices when trying to travel back to their respective home countries. The main reason is not just because of the recent travel bans from other parts of the world, but also because there are possibilities that some students might not be able to come back to the U.S. to continue their studies.
Some are trying to stay safe by not leaving the U.S., including me. I’ve seen half of my friends from the international student community heading back home and every day I remind myself to not go back yet because I’m worried what could happen if I did travel for almost 24 hours just to get back. I’ve seen too many cases of college students getting positive for the coronavirus right after they traveled back all the way from the U.S. and the U.K. and I don’t plan on taking those chances just yet.
Does it hurt that I chose to not go back? Yes, it does. As much as I think I’m doing the right choice to stay put, it doesn’t mean that I don’t overthink about what could happen to me here if I didn’t leave.
The insurance that I get from the university will probably not cover if I ever get infected, and me also trying to look for a job after I finish my degree in May scares the hell out of me. Not to mention, my visa status could also be in line if I don’t get a job as soon as possible when the job market is currently in shambles. Don’t even get me started on the xenophobia, because that’s a whole different problem.
It’s just hard enough as a non-resident that I’ll already be facing hardship in this country, but imagine facing all that same hardship with this pandemic? It’s indescribable.
I’m blessed that I have a roof over my head and have the privilege to quarantine at home, but I can’t help but think of what might happen to me in a few months.
It’s really scary out here, but what can I do? I just have to be an adult and face the hardships of adulthood. Just with more add-on anxiety.
I was really preparing myself to face adulthood, but not this.
This commentary piece is written for AJRL475Z Opinion/Column Writing class of Spring 2020.
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